It’s Over. The End. Summarizing / part 3

Glenn Close, Judy Davis – Serving in Silence


When one door closes, another opens. Indeed, not always, but it happened to me. Someone nice from work, maybe my sad being touched her heart, invited me for coffee… and it seemed to be the beginning of a wonderful friendship… Such as I missed since I moved from my previous place and life. You know, sometimes there’s a click between people. A click that turns them into best friends, such that never divorces each other and it does not matter who or what comes between them. Not even a man.

She advised me as to what I should do. Remember the fax I “made a mistake with” and instead of faxing to someone else, it arrived on your machine? I have never revealed to you that it was planned. I never had the chance. And it started a new cycle of a magnificent telephone connection. You have suddenly realized that you missed me (so you said), but you were afraid to get in touch because you thought I was mad at you and you even imagined that I would hang up on you. You blessed my “mistake” and we returned to our sleepless nights. You did not give the internet up. You juggled between us. And I felt ok with that.

Again, you suggested we should meet. You said it does not make sense that we know each other for such a long time, nine months already, and we have not seen each other yet. Nine months of euphoria… I did not know what to do. I feared. No. Fear is an understatement. I was scared. I trembled. Great horror grabbed me and would not let go. I was terrified. And what if you won’t like me? You persuaded me that such a thing could not happen, you are not impressed by appearances, especially since we shared our souls so deeply on our sleepless nights. And besides, you added, we are not getting married, it’s not a blind date J You did not ease my doubts, but I could not resist anymore. You and your magnificent persuasion skills. You, whose profession was public relations, no wonder…

I will always treasure the day we met… Wednesday, five in the afternoon. The moment I laid my eyes on you – I knew something in me had changed. That I’ll never be the same. And it seems that that was the beginning of something special. I did not know then what it was exactly. We did not pay attention to the time and suddenly it was night and you had to go home, which was outside my zip code, half an hour away. I accompanied you to your car, holding in my hand (and in my heart) another moment with you, a few more minutes… We stood there silently, in the underground parking lot of the mall. After all the words we poured into each other’s ears, we did not wish to talk anymore. We looked deeply in each other’s eyes, yours with the flowing honey that streamed directly into my beating heart, enveloping it with magnificent sweetness… Suddenly you extended your arms and I sank into them… And before I could gather my confused mind because of the wonderful warmth that was beaming from you, you kissed my lips… The kiss went on and on and on… I was extremely excited. The first kiss ever from a woman.

And suddenly… suddenly I understood that everything that happened in my life until now, led me to experience this kiss. Two marriages, two divorces, and empty relationships with men who did not appeal to me in between. And that kiss of yours was what I have searched for all my life, that my whole life was aimed towards… And it seems that it was the beginning of a special love. I fell in love. With you. You conquered me.

We said goodbye, but did not separate. I remained standing there, staring at the curve where your car disappeared, unable to make myself move. I accompanied you on your way home. I escorted you on your way through our mobiles. And when you arrived home safely, you asked me to avoid spending the night in the parking lot… And now it was your turn to accompany me through my way home…

You asked if I was all right. I did not know for sure. I only knew that I was seriously in love. With a woman. For the first time in my life. Seriously smitten way over my head. Madly. And I knew what they call it. And I did not mind, because what flooded over me was the rightest thing I have ever felt my entire life. And I am no longer a spring chicken. And I had experienced a lot. And I have never really loved. I went through the motions, imitated the steps, played the game, but did not feel. My heart was never ever filled like this with this warm feeling.

Of course I told my girlfriend. This is what we have friends for. And she accepted it with such understanding, with such empathy, and she was happy her advice worked and I found love due to it. Days of bliss and nights of a joyous heart. Of coming home, taking a shower, making myself something tasty to eat, staring at the television and daydreaming about you. I sense you in my bones. Sometimes I even talked to you, as if you were present, sharing my life. Your invisible image was soaring in my apartment. I was not alone anymore.

Part 4 coming up on 27.4.20

Hallucinating words

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