I liked a girl, but did not know!

I woke up that morning and I was ready. Kindergarten here I come! Finally, I was a big girl. The trip to school was almost too long to remember so I don’t remember it. All I remember is getting to those big brick red doors. Smiling a bit too much, turning around ready to say goodbye, and catching the glimmer of my mother’s tears at the edge of her eyes. Her sad smile broke me and so I went to her. Hugged her and she laughed. “¿No deberías estar llorando tú?” (Aren’t you supposed to be crying?) she asked as she wiped away her tears. I had seen her smile so I knew she was just sad cause she’d miss me, and I’d be back so… I ran for the red brick doors once again. I looked up as the doors started to open and saw the endless beige hallways. I walked in and stared in awe.

I had never been inside this building so everything was a new experience. From the sound of my shoes tap tapping along the floor to the many new voices of students throughout the hall, still I was ready. Walking towards what I later discovered was my room, I saw a pair of sapphire eyes. They caught my attention but my excitement overpowered and I continued. I roamed around for a little, exploring. After sometime I found my teacher and with her a whole bunch of what I hoped would be my friends.

We all introduced ourselves and played games. I had so much fun. While waiting for lunch I saw her. Straight dark chocolate hair and a smile that was … sooo pretty. I wasn’t going to say anything, what would I say ? I had no clue. So I decided I wouldn’t, but right before I made that decision she looked at me. There they were. Those sapphire eyes again.

I do not recall this encounter in anyway sexual.

You see, my first attraction to a female, was way beyond my knowledge about sexuality. I remember a world in which gay and lesbian were the only other sexual orientations I knew existed. A time when the only other way to possibly describe why another girl was “sooooo pretty,” and I mean “Soooooooooo pretty,” was because I was just admiring. I was admiring. I really was actually. The world I remember was not necessarily cruel, but it was

The first encounter was X. I don’t remember her name but I do know it started with an X and she was absolutely “sooooooo pretty.” I was in kindergarten and she was in my class. Long and thick straight black hair, piercing blue eyes, and a smile that I remember wanting to capture. I took her picture at the end of the school year. Wanted to “remember her” even though I definitely had more than 25 others kids in my class. Although back then I would not have classified as a crush, I definitely see what it always was. I liked a girl, but did not know!

 

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