Blue is the Warmest Color

Although this is not my first time watching the movie, as I had previously watched it when I was younger, it was my first time trying to break down the movie from my new perspective as a young queer adult. Watching this movie as a teenage queer individual I was able to indulge fully in a movie about sexual self discovery, the process of betrayal, and later on the power of walking away. I became so immersed with this movie because it was the closest representation that I had of myself. A young women falling in love with another, and a whole movie about it? I was all for it.

Now, as I dissect the movie a bit more I become more aware of how this movie still resonates with me. Not only did I see myself as younger Adele and her struggle to accept her own sexuality while unafraid to indulge in it, but I saw myself as Emma too. Super comfortable and unapologetic about who she is, although you see her bend at times for the sake of Adele. It was interesting to be able to relate to juxtaposing positions although they were both intertwined.

Watching the struggle that Adele goes through after the end of her relationship allowed me to wallow in pain that I had, yet was not allowing myself to feel. A pain that later turns into the strength she gathers to go and see this exhibition that Emma has invited her, and also the strength she gathers to leave. Although I had not understood the reason behind her not staying to talk to the young gentleman before, I more than understood it this time. Adele was aware of her own need to heal and she steps away, because although the wound isn’t fresh, it still very much sensitive. In that moment I was able to understand as well. I thought watching this movie I would be more critical, but was pleased to know that I just needed a personal cry of my own, and that on it’s own is liberating.

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